8 Things No One Told Me About Being Married

Don’t ever stop dating your wife and don’t ever stop flirting with your husband.

“A successful marriage
requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.”

As I started to close in on my mid-twentites, I knew marriage was right around the corner. It was a definitive; just a matter of when, where and to whom. Not having have found a partner myself, it was certain that my family would find me a match, fortunately the decision would be mine.

I was, however, mentally prepared for it. Like I said, it was only a matter of when, where and to whom I’d me marrying. But I knew that it was going to happen and had made peace with my early adolescent spirit that had a skewed sense of feminism wrapped in a fairytale bubble (you can only imagine how messed up and confusing that can be) .

Right up until I got married and moved into my husband’s home with his family that was now becoming mine, I didn’t realise that all my education and exposure had not managed to protected me from having preconceived notions about what it means to be a married woman and a daughter-in-law… imagine my surprise!

Through household chatter, experiences of my family members, media and popular tales I had sub-consciously gathered and consolidated data on what it means to be a married woman. I had created a mood board of sorts which was painted by putting woman and their struggles on a pedestal and normalising the negativity that came with it. I knew I was suddenly going to be an adult with responsibilities and unspoken/ declared duties and expectations. I knew for myself that being a married woman there would be a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law angle, the Bermuda triangle between the mother son and myself, etcetera.

After being married for almost two years and starting a new journey along side with the on going pandemic here are the things I’ve come to experience and realise that I wish someone had told me but no one told me about being a married woman.

1. It begins at the end of “Happily Ever After”
..”Yes, I do”…. “Yes, I do”… And they lived happily ever after!
It is after this that a marriage truly begins. I do not know what I’ll feel in retrospect after having have lived my life, but I now know that the meaning is to make the most of it, the best of it and hope you can look back and say that “.. and then we lived happily ever after”. Marriage is like playing with lego, you imagine, aspire, create and hope you’ve gotten it right.

2. It helps you discover yourself
There is so much I’ve realised that I never knew about myself. There are times that I surprise myself. It could be about things that you are protective of and things that you are accommodating about. It could be your new found level of patience and ability to persevere. It could be about how accommodating you truly can be and the strength to stand up for yourself in ways you never thought you could. And sometimes it’s about finding out that being vulnerable and feeling safe at the same time is a possibility. I’ve had moments where I broke down for no reason at all and still knew that I’m loved and there was no judgement being thrown at me.

3. Finding your new family
The thing that sticks out to me the most is that my birth family is the family that I was born into, it has loved me since before I was born, I’ve had years to build my relationships there and create my own space. And I’ll always have a home in their hearts- which goes without saying.
But coming to my marital home- at first it felt like a house with people who occupy it. It is after all these months that I’ve realised that these are relationships that I have to nourish and build for them to mean anything in my life; because otherwise they will just remain my husband’s family.

4. I have two mothers
Here I speak for myself and I know I’ve lucked out. Marriage gave me two mothers- my birth mother will always be the one who got me into this world and taught me everything I know about life thus far. But it is my Mother-In-Law who held my hand when I stepped into a new territory and helped find my comfort zone. She is the one teaching me things going forward.
She helps me understand my partner better which in turn helps me nurture our partnership better as a wife. She asks for my opinion and shares how things have been done thus far- what better, right?

“Marriage is not a noun;
it’s a verb.
It isn’t something you get.
It’s something you do.
It’s the way you love your partner every day.”
– Barbara De Angelis

5. Marriage changes you
Many of our friends and cousins have complained that we’ve changed as individuals but I don’t say this as a bad thing.
We have both made upgrades to our behaviours and patterns in order to support each other better and stay in sync. from being two singles, we’ve gone onto becoming Mr. & Mrs- that entails changes in order to survive and grow as a unit.

6. It makes everything more serious
That’s true, suddenly the intensity of everything is heightened. Conversations about future, plans for the weekend or just as argument- everything is more serious than it has ever been before. It could also be because you know this is it- this person in front of you is it and you both want to get it right and do not want to just settle for average.

7. THERE ARE NO HIGHWAYS ANYMORE
The attitude of “it is may way or the highway” doesn’t apply anymore. I’ve realised that it is rarely about being right, but mostly about finding the best option available. I’ve found myself actively avoiding quick fixes and wanting to talk it over with partner to find a long term solution to issues.
I once read it somewhere that marriage is like weight. It is not like once you’ve achieved your ideal weight you can go about living your life, similarly once you’ve sorted something in your marriage that is not it. It has to become a lifestyle, where you constantly and proactively keep working on it.

8. IT IS THE NEXT LEVEL OF TEAM WORK
Marriage doesn’t just take work, it is hard AF.
It is an amalgamation of too many factors at once with no manual and one fits all solutions. A happy marriage is a symbiotic relationship where not only do we support one another but also become the foundation to our children and an assurance to all the others intimately connected to us.

“A husband and wife
may disagree on many things
but they must absolutely agree on this:
to never, ever give up.”

Tigers

From their stripes to their paws, they are worth being fascinated by and gaping at. They are elegance and power wrapped into one.

Do you know how a Tiger is raised?

On my recent trip to a Tiger Reserve and National Park, I had the opportunity to learn more about this beautiful creation of God. From their stripes to their paws, they are worth being fascinated by and gaping at. A tiger marks his territory and regularly patrols it and protects it from competitors. Each of these territories has three to four tigresses marking their own territories within. A tigress litters three to four times in her lifetime and each litter gives her anywhere from one to four cubs, usually. For the first three years of their lives these litters are under the protection of their mother who feeds them, nourishes them and educates them. She teaches them how to hunt and camouflage for safety, she teaches them to identify opportunity and strategise. If she identifies that there is a weakling amongst her litter, she terminates it for the safety of the others. It sounds rather heartless, but Darwin did say that the world functions on a ‘survival of the fittest’ model. And jeopardising the lives of the strong in order to continue supporting the weak is not something that favours life in a jungle.

Anyway, once the cubs are old and taught enough she releases them from her care and shelter. They are expected to work as individual units that moment forward. They are to explore the jungle, find a territory they’d like to call their own, challenge the one who calls the territory home at that moment and then the winner takes it all. A face off of this nature is purely based on strength; relationships being no bar. It is fairly common for a daughter to challenge her mother and a son his father, one among sisters and amidst brothers.

And hence the cycle continues…

In the wake of all this new information I realised that what a Tigress really does is that she season them for the best and the worst to come. She is accepting of the limitations of her children and doesn’t coddle her kids, instead pushes them to be better. She needs them to be better each day because she knows that her strength and glory will do nothing for their survival. While she is the legacy of someone, her litter is her legacy.

This made me think of gratification, the thin line between being pampered and spoilt, the difference between being comfortable and being unequipped. Just the mere realisation of this thought has had me viewing people, situations and stories in a very different light. I mean, I’ve begun to perceive the experiences I’ve had so far in a different light as well. It made me take a step back and analyse my stance on certain actions my parents took for me during my rebel years.. were they being strict or were they making sure that I had the qualities and skills to survive once I was out of their shelter.

What do you think?

A Pillion Ride

Walking through the crossroads amidst workday lunch traffic, actively blocking all the commotion around me. I made my way home after completing a long list of chores, on foot to avoid wasting time in vehicular humdrum, thinking of what is with all the rush, what is it with all the chaos, what is everyone chasing, if everyone is out on the streets then what about their homes??
Why is it that each day the crossroad near my house see’s the same rush; on weekdays its in blue and blacks while on weekends the same rush turns vibrant in colour, but its a chaos all the same.

Bickering to myself, trying to come up with reasons and then justifying them, and then looking for a better answer as that wasn’t satisfactory enough- I was stopped mid step. From the corner of my eyes I saw something, something that was out of place. My peripheral vision had been coloured neon and my hardwired and set-pattern expecting brain couldn’t understand why. While I was lost in a new confusion, me sense were flooded by a sound. The sound of a hearty laughter- the kind that just forms in your stomach, rolls up your throat and launches itself into the world like a contagious vibration. It made the hair on my neck stand, in a good way.

On turning back, I saw a child of 5 or 6. It was this child that was responsible for the disruption of a regular weekday afternoon. This child wore a neon coloured overall with the whitest of white shoes and held a pinwheels of fluorescent colours. The person responsible for this child rode a scooter, absolutely unaffected by this roar of a laughter. If he was struggling with navigating through the traffic, his face didn’t show it.

And just like that I realised that I had raised my free hand and was waving at the kid with a smile on my face. The child wasn’t just laughing but also waving at all the strangers that were passing by and had a chance to do so face-to-face as he sat with his back against his riders back. It was when the child and his rider were out of sight and out of my audible distance, I realised that his sound had gained out al the sounds that my surroundings were creating- the honking or motor vehicles, the sound of their engines, the telephone conversations, the barking of stray dogs.

Once again, bickering to myself, I entered my house wondering what the child was so happy about, how musical was his laughter and does looking at things in retrospect really make them easier to laugh about?

Things of 2020

Completing a year is like coming a full circle. Celebrating its end is expected and accepted.

We’re getting closer to the end of this landmark year. This year we have all been part of something larger than us and are all in it together.
As a year end trend, many people are soon going to start talking posting and tweeting about their achievements and experiences from this year. Some will talk about gainful investments, career advancements, academic brilliance and other such verticals of growth and prosperity.

Completing a year is like coming a full circle. Celebrating its end is expected and accepted.

Here’s what I want to tell each one of you out there; whether you’ve made progress or just floated, whether you have large gains to boast about or your budgets have shrunk like never before. Go ahead and do this:

Pat yourself on the back because you’ve made it through the year!
A year that was nothing sort of a global frenzy. A year which no one had predicted to begin with and thus we weren’t prepared. But you survived. each one of you is a warrior who survived, with big and small battle scars. Battle scars nonetheless.

This year has taught each one of us to nurture and cater to out health before everything else.
It has created a paradigm shift for a lot of us. From employers working on their conscience rather than business acumen, governments going over and above for its pupil, all family members pitching in at home, teachers becoming students overnight to embrace the digitalisation in order to continue educating our futures, neighbours supporting each other, societies become more aware and responsible towards consumer decisions.

Finally local, cottage and small, industries became the heroes.
A lot of large houses lost their shine as necessity and minimalistic behaviour started to seem in. Sustainability and eco-friendly became the new norm. And you played your role in making this shift happen.

To sum it up, all I want to say is that we need to appreciate all the big and small adjustments and improvements that we have made in our own lives. We need to start looking at the quality of work that has happened and all the skill development that took place in each of our lives. We reconnected with our families and truly spent time with them and ourselves. We learned to appreciate all the footwork that goes into getting things done and the people who get the footwork done for us.
Appreciate the house help, the paper boys and the milkmen. Appreciate all those who chose to adapt to change for our convenience, even at the cost of their own inconvenience. Appreciate all those who stuck it out with you even when you were of the edge and continue to hold you close. To all those health and fitness practitioners that got workout to your homes so you didn’t neglect yourself. The colleagues, subordinates and superiors who supported you and continue to do so.

And that for me is a great cause for celebration!

Congratulations on being such wonderful survivors!

Frogs and The Pot

The world seemed to have tuned out of its murmur allowing a stillness to blanket it. The leaves stopped to rustle, the winds did not whistle, the owls seemed to sleep through the night, the bats lost their flight and the market place was barren during the day. All souls, both two and four legged, seemed to have taken comfort in their warm hideouts. 
Why wouldn’t they? After all, the darkest of homes seemed to have more light than the world. The world which was now all things grey. The gravel, the walls, the air, the trees. The winter had coloured the town GREY!

All the noses were left senseless and the human lips reached for amber and became accommodating of all breathing beings by sharing their fire with almost everyone. As the merciless winter of this year unleashed its last wrath by transforming water into glass like solid objects, it was the croaking ones left to fend for themselves. 
With an instinct for survival they all jumped into pots that were left on fire by some saintly souls… maybe for themselves or as a welcome post for these jumpers, who knew?
Either way it worked. They were likely to survive the night.

As the blood began to flow in their bodies again and they regained control of their senses did they stop the panic start to doze off… 

As the water in the pots began to reach a temperature that favoured their little frog bodies and made them feel at home did one of them start to croak incessantly; as if sending out alarm signals for all.
As they all lazily woke up in a frenzy to understand this maniacal urgency when they had just found solace did the alarm raiser say, “We need to hop away from the pots. They are going to be the death of us! We need to leave.” 
While most called it crazy, the older lot called it an immature specimen of youth, some thought of him as the one who was up to some kind of fickle game for more space and the rest followed sheepishly. Feeling dejected and rejected on being thrown out as an outcast, it hopped on with a conscience as clear as air and heart as heavy as boulders. Continuing on its need for survival, it hopped all night to keep warm.

It was only at the break of dawn did he return to its clan. Its body giving up due to over-working. The need for re-energizing was soon becoming of utmost importance- even higher than self-respect and pride; the alarm raiser decided to trace back its path that led him to the clan of majority. No sooner did he reach the heard than he found out that he was the last one standing. The old, the adults, the kids, none had made it through to watch the dawn break and see the glass like encasing of their pond melt away.

Now it shall never know whether it was immature or wise? Whether it was fickle or foresighted. All it knew that it was the only one to survive the storm before the calm. It only knew that it has believed in itself and walked away when things became too comfortable. It knew that anything that could warm up the freezing water to comfort them could also heat it up enough to kill them. And it had been the only one to survive, to breed a new generation.


Sometimes it is all about your gut instinct and believing in what you know. If you are sure that you know better and are being judged for it… think of it as a crazy stormy night and endure until you’re either proven right or have been taught better. But being rejected or feeling like an outcast is no reason to go adapt to things that aren’t better than what you already know. Suck it in, hold on a little while and float. Because baby if you don’t like what you have you need to take charge and show that the change you’re proposing is a good idea- and that’s something you need to do alone sometimes.

Beauty Is …

BEAUTY IS NO LONGER IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER. BEAUTY IS LOOKING LIKE YOURSELF.

Hi guys!
Hope you’re all doing well.
I recently came across something that Alok V Menon shared on his social media account. And, oh boy! I think every soul walking, breathing and living on this planet needs to read it. And read it over and over again.

BEAUTY IS NO LONGER IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER. BEAUTY IS LOOKING LIKE YOURSELF

One of the life’s paradoxes is that we are encouraged to “be ourselves” but are often punished when we do.
When I first told my grandmother I was transgender se responded, “How could you do this to me?” In her eyes my journey was about hurting her, not about healing myself. She eventually passed on without ever seeing me as myself. At her funeral I had to dress as the man she wanted me ti be. I wept:for her, and for me.
Despite constant invalidation, so many transgender people transition because we know there is a quiet and fierce dignity to being able to look at yourself and say “this is who I am.”
Marginalised people learn from an early age that beauty is often about power. We see the fair, thin and gender-conforming among us called “beautiful”, while the rest of us are meant to spend or entire lives aspiring to be like them.
It’s time for a new beauty paradigm.
Beauty is about looking like yourself, even in the face of social and cultural repression. Accessing this beauty can feel impossible in a system that rewards conformity over creativity. But, in my experience, a commitment to honest self-actualisation yields unparalleled peace and conviction.
As a visibly gender non-conforming person, I often receive unsolicited advise about my appearance. One time a complete stranger came up to me on the street and said, “You’d look ore convincing if you just shaved. Let me buy you a razor.” The sight of me walking with my head high- brown, bearded, a dn in a bold red lip- was too much for them. Like so many, this person mistook their insecurity as my own.
In moments like these I think about how dangerous beauty can be.
Why do engrained beauty standards so often require some of us to become invisible in order to make other people feel more comfortable? Beauty has a way of justifying violation in the name of benevolence. It gives legitimacy to the way that we police and restrict one another’s appearance. “I’m just doing this to help.” The presumption is always, “Why wouldn’t anyone want to be beautiful?”
But whose standards of beauty are we required to adhere to?
Normative beauty is insecure. if it was universal and just, it would not need to be constantly proven. Different ways of looking wold not be seen as a treat, just another way of being.
For so long I lived my life within society’s constraints of who I was supposed to be. it didn’t work, I yearned for a way of being that was more consistent with what I felt, not what I had been told.
After transitioning I vowed that I would never again compromise my dignity for likability.
Although I am constantly harassed for it, i am able to keep going because I know who I am…

Alok V Menon

Irrespective of which box we check under the gender section,
Irrespective of which skin tone we identify with,
Irrespective of what our hight weight and talent is,
Irrespective of our nationality and age,
Irrespective of every other scale that is created to measure us against,
Irrespective of everything… we are all wired in such a twisted manner to compare ourselves to the prescribed standard of beauty. Beauty of the physique, beauty of the character and appearance, beauty of what’s right and wrong, beauty of your diet…
I mean if I am created unique then how come my beauty has to abide with the narrative dictated by a handful?

There are nights I’ve lost sleep over my dark circles. Only to be treated to a warm cup of tea and a reminder “you earned them because you weren’t afraid to burn the night oil to go after what you wanted.” Then why feel bad about them? Shouldn’t I just be proud of them just like a soldier os proud of my scars; they are proof of his fights and victory. Then the bags under my eyes are proof of my hardworking and willingness.

I’ve fretted the few extra kilos and that muffin top I always sport. But hey, how can I forget that I savour food. I’m well with the normal BMI for my body and I am a healthy functioning adult- isn’t that something to be grateful for?

There is always something. The short ones wish for height and the tall ones wish for a day of no back pain. The anorexic ones wish for good health and the healthy ones are always counting calories. The ones that lack melanin are so easily sun-burnt while the melanin rich have a complex. The ones with flowy straight hair wish for curls and the ones with waves are busy blowdrying and straightening.

Can we please stop feeling that we are not enough. Because if you aren’t then nothing and no one can make you enough.

Making The Extra Buck From Home!

You could be leaving some money on the table, it is about time you cashed it in!

Hey!
Hope you’ve all had the time to recognise, ponder and address your levels of exhaustion and create a custom kit to help you deal with it.
Today, I’m about to address another elephant in the room.

That’s right!
It isn’t a unique fact that the pandemic has tightened our pockets a little and has made us reconsider our grocery lists and momentary splurges. Over the last month I’ve been spending time researching ways in which we could all make that shrinking inner lining a little more accommodating and make room for a little more change.
While I cannot take full credit for this thought, it was Shop101 that had me thinking about it.

Here’s my list of mediums through we can all cash in a little extra.

  • GOOGLE ADSENSE
    I’m sure you’ve been on websites and seen Google advertisements. They are all there for a good reason and purposefully.
    Not only are they easy to set up, but can help you earn too in accordance with the traffic that your website experiences.
    You just have to signup with Google Adsense (for free). They will give you a unique code which you have to paste onto your website. And the you just wait to get paid. They payments roll in through pay-per-click (PPC) system.
  • AFFILIATE MARKETING
    Don’t let the term intimidate you.
    Affiliate marketing is like running a retail store. You sign up with retailers like Amazon, Flipkart and Ajio, and promote your favourite products on your website or social media and add your link.
    Everytime someone shops by clicking onto your link, you earn a commissioned income.
    This doesn’t necessarily require you to have a website, just a good amount of traffic on social media should be enough.
    Here are some popular affiliate networks that work in India.
  • ONLINE PAID SURVEYS
    Who could have thought that we can get paid for our opinion!
    You just have to find some genuine platforms and set up an account. It’s pretty much as simple as that. This method requires you to share your banking details for the transfer of credits; so please do your research before starting off!
    Here are some of my favourite survey sites Panel Place, MOBROG, YouGov India, SwagBucks
    The benefit of these is that you get to be your own boss with flexible timing and it isn’t always time consuming. But at the same time it could get a bit boring and there could be lack of availability of surveys and the SCAMMY SITES are the biggest turn downs.
  • FREELANCING
    If there is a skill that you are equipped with, then make sure you aren’t leaving money on the table. Go through professional websites and be on the lookout for freelance jobs. You could be good at Writing, Tally and Data Entry, Social Media Management, Graphic Designing, Care Taking (for toddlers and elderly), Content Development, Typing.
    Just about anything. Any skill that you are confident about and are will to find a job for, you could earn from it.
    Just hop onto job portals and stay on the lookout for Freelance Jobs!
  • START AN ONLINE COURSE
    If you are good at something then creating a course is the way to go.
    You could be teaching anything from Meditation to Water Colour Painting or creating modules on Parenting and Positivity. You could be a great Cook or someone with a knack for Car Care or Stitching.
    Create a community and spread the word.
    You could just make videos of yourself explaining and guiding others through the process or advertise for one-on-one video call lessons.

Final Takeaway, today all you need is a smartphone, confidence in yourself and willingness to not leave money on the table. Set up a PayPal, GPay or PayTM account and start exploring your options.
There is always the need to see if your are becoming a part of something scammy but beyond that I like to believe that
“either we earn or we learn and both are equally valuable”
Also, if you know another way to start making that extra buck at home then share. your suggestions with us. Hurry Up!!

Since a lot of the options that we explore might require a website. So don’t step back, in todays day and age making a website is quite simple and for free. Try WordPress !

Roadmap to making money online

Are We Exhausted?

Emotional Exhaustion is real and we need to learn to identify it.

Hey!
And I’m back after a short break from writing (read it as lack of motivation)… It sounds pretty bad, I agree. But here’s the thing, you ought to blame the Pandemic.
I mean the kind of uncertainty and prolonged doom that this has caused and is continuing to; that’s taxing.

While I was away liking my sorrows and venting away I realised that I’m constantly exhausted. The physical exhaustion has been pretty easy. If I feel tired, I plan my day in such a way that I can get away with a power nap or a stress relieving soak.
What’s been difficult is when you’ve to adequate sleep and nutrition with not a very intense day and yet you feel worn out by the end of each day.
I mean, c’mon!
How does that even make sense??

Post a whole lot of speculation, agitated evenings, grumpy mornings and un-willing days I realised it was nothing but my emotions that were tired of keeping up with the surroundings.
Then came the BIG QUESTION: As a psychologist how could i have missed the signs myself??

Just knowing the cause of my discomfort seemed to have eased most of my nerves and filled me with an excitement to find a checklist that would help me avoid all the helplessness that had enveloped me these last few weeks.

17 SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL EXHAUSTION :

  • You find yourself focusing on the negatives
  • You put people away (isolate)
  • Your every action feels like a sacrifice
  • You feel driven by obligations not values
  • You don’t feel fulfilled
  • You don’t feel connected with who you are
  • You have a hard time controlling your behaviour
  • You feel overwhelmed and anxious
  • You have a hard time maintaining or setting boundaries
  • You often feel irritated and irrationally angry
  • You feel hopeless
  • You feel numb or apathetic
  • You lack motivation or purpose
  • Your self-identify as a failure
  • You often feel tired
  • You find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention
  • You find yourself forgetting things

This list was given by Sara Kuburic (MA, CCC).

Once I found this list I decided to make a list of ways in which I could recover from this exhaustion. While I’m sharing mine, I request you to make your own on a sunny day so that rainy days aren’t as grey!

  • Sit down with myself and acknowledge how I’m feeling (you don’t have to justify your feelings; just acknowledge them)
  • Make a quick list of 5 things that you are grateful for and feel lucky about
  • Have a list of people who always lift you up and connect with them
  • Reconnect with yourself- the things that you value and the principles that you hold closest
  • Make a list of activities that you could practice for yourself and enjoy it (cook, garden, paint, practice yoga, dance, listen to music, read a book, etc)
  • Focus on your physical well-being; adequate amount of sleep, having your meals at appropriate times, consuming unto 3 litres of water
  • Distance yourself from social media for minimum 3 days
  • Consider a massage or long bath or a session of meditation

Magical Words

A compilation of words, thoughts and teachings that have strengthen, supported and confronted me as and when I needed them.

Hello, you lovely soul!!
What I’ve put together this time is more like a compilation.
A compilation of words, thoughts and teachings that have strengthen, supported and confronted me as and when I needed them. They have contributed to my moral fabric from time to time. And trust me, each time I’ve felt myself become a better person in that moment.
As a sucker for words, these were never said by me or to me unfortunately, but nonetheless they have held my hand and taught me to smile and lightened those stiff shoulders!

“I LOVE YOU means I accept you for the person that you are and that I don’t wish to change you into someone else. It means that I don’t expect perfection from you, just as you don’t expect it from me.
I Love You means that I will Love You and stand by you even through the worst of times.
It means loving you when you are in a bad mood or too tired to do the things that I want to do.
It means loving you when you are down, not just when you are fun to be with.”

Deanne Laura Gilbert

Be Brave. Take Risks.
Nothing can substitute experience.

Paulo Coelho

I’m slowly learning that even if I react, it won’t change anything, it won’t make people love and respect me, it won’t magically change their minds. Sometimes it’s better to just let things be, let people go, don’t expect answers, don’t fight for closure, don’t chase answers and don’t expect people to understand where you’re coming from. I’m slowly learning that life is better lived when you don’t centre it on what’s happening around you and centre it on what’s happening inside you instead. Work on yourself and your inner peace.

Unknown Author

I cannot fix on an hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It was too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.

Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)

Save money every week! It doesn’t matter how much. Just Save.
Listen to your parents’ advice… at the end of the day they are only ones who want the best for you.
Choose your friends wisely as you are a product of your environment.
Learn to be alone. It’s a skill few master.
Educate yourself- Read. Read. Read.
Be healthy and look after your body.
Don’t wait for someone to love you; learn to love yourself.
You’ll be okay!

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You are on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…

Dr. Seuss (Oh! The Places You’ll Go)

We need to accept that we won’t always make the right decisions, that we’ll screw up royally sometimes – understanding that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.

Arianna Huffington

Leaving the place you grew up can change your life. Don’t think you’re leaving your family and friends behind; you’re not. You’re just letting yourself grow and move forward, and that is okay. You are allowed to grow and become a new version of you.

Sylvester McNutt III

Women are not rehabilitation centres for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix him, change him, parent him or raise him. You want a Partner not a Project.

Julia Roberts

But who can say what’s best?
That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get two or three such chances in a lifetime, and if we let them go, we regret it for he rest of our lives.

Haruki Murakami

FOOTNOTE: I can’t get over the fact that we are TWO!!
Thank you for all the love and response. Thank you for always coming back and choosing to spend your time here!

Curved Balls

Every year is new and different. But this one has been a landmark.

Have you ever woken up and felt like it was a good… no great day?
The sun is shining just the right amount. Your eyes open just a moment before your alarm was supposed to go off. You feel no ounces of laziness but just energy coursing through your body. You feel invincible on such days. Like you skin is flawless, you have a good hair day and that little smile refuses to leave your lips, come what may!

At the cost of sounding dramatic and eccentric at the same time, here’s what I want to share!

I woke up one morning in the rosiest of moods with the realisation that The Hazy Whisperer is soon turning TWO!
There had been no specific prompters. No peeking at the calendar (Yes, I’ve marked the date when it began). And no conversations about my course of action for it. But just a realisation…. guess the sub-conscious does have its own mysterious ways of playing with me.
What was next?!
Like an involuntary reaction to this thought, my mind just started rolling back and counting all the things that the last year comprises of. As if almost by instinct I was sure of one thing- I have a lot to be grateful for!

This year began with me meeting that one person I’m to spend the rest of my life with. Even since the journey has been of exploring, learning, understanding and pushing myself!
There were additions to Safarnama- a trip with the Girl Gang and a memoir to my time in Manali. A lot of stuff that I read was shared because it moved me some way or the other.
THW tried Collaborations. While being informative the idea behind it was to also empower, and we did that by Celebrating Women!
(PS do let me know if you’d like me to consider more of these through the comments below)

The year did see me slacking on the writing end. But I had my plate full. I was changing from going for shows alone to blushing in someone’s presence and re-imagining my life next to an actual human. I do apologise for the inconsistency I’ve shown, but want to thank each one of you for still sticking around. We have grown, statistically too!

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I was honestly quite disheartened when I actually began to type this one, but once I saw the stats for the year that has just gone by I knew I am lucky and thankful!

Through the past year I realised how much Baba means to me and also how his love for story telling isn’t just about stories. It is his way of sharing little anecdotes from life and lessons with me. Baba, you are my guiding force.

I also shared some of the skin remedies that I swear by and was over-whelmed with the kind of response you guys showed me. And just FYI, those remedies are something I went with when prepping my skin for the D-Day as well! SO do not take them lightly. They are amazing!!

This year I’ve found myself noticing the little details about the ones around me. In the Indian system, getting married means re-rooting yourself. This change can sometimes feel as drastic as having to sometimes explore oneself all over again and understand what you stand for and what your priorities are.
In a scenario not as extreme, I am fortunate to have found a mother who is more than willing to make me feel at home by even trying to fuse the systems of my old home with the new one. A husband who makes it his mission to make me feel happy and comfortable. I’ve found a family that constantly tries to know what makes me happy. Thank you!

Early in my married life I experienced a Long Distance due to the lockdown in lieu of this Pandemic. After struggling with it and receiving a lot of ideas and inputs did I share quick tricks to make it a little less sufferable. I hoped to help anyone and everyone who needed it. The times are tough on everyone in their own unique way!

With all the changes and growing that have come my way this year, the one post that remains closest to my heart and took great strength to write was Of Myself, To Myself. I have never let my guard down the way I did then. I felt vulnerable and yet the senses of being liberated was all-consuming. Thank you for the support and love you have garnered over me!

… and here we are, a year after coming a full circle.

THW turns
2!

Today is a big milestone for The Hazy Whisperer- we are celebrating two years of living, growing and loving. This year has been about the little big things that have come and gone; ergo the title 😉